Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Subscriber Topic- BULLYING


Hello Ladies and Gentlemen,

I am on a flight at 37,000 feet right now above the Sierra-Nevada desert.  It is a mix of canyons and smoke holes.  I wonder what the smoke is, seems like it is in a forest.  Not much vegetation down there but where there is seems to be a lot of random fires.  Scary.  Mostly everyone is sleeping on the flight and there are no babies.  Babies are alright, do not get me wrong.  Put them on an airplane though and say goodbye to falling asleep if your mp3 player or iPod is dead.

Also, quick little story… At LAX airport I went to the restroom before my flight.  It was a normal routine until I got to the sinks.  There I proceeded to wash my hands for a little over a minute.  Not because I am a germ-freak or because I accidentally shit in my fingernails (ew, sorry for that image), but because the woman next to me was a small old Asian lady drinking water out of the airport restroom sink.  At first I thought she was washing her face.  Okay, I get that.  It was pretty hot in the security line and in the airport in general.  As she kept putting her face down and cupping her hands I took a closer look.  This woman was grabbing water and sipping it out of her hands!  So question, cultural thing or just strange?  Maybe next time I should direct her to the water fountains which have much more colder and appealing water.  The restroom sinks were automatic and rather warm water came out.  Could not have been enjoyable to drink.

Alright!  Now on to our subscriber topic of the day… Luz explained "hey im a girl im pretty chubby and self concious i have 3 true friends im awkward and stuff so talk about buliying as a topic."

As a once socially awkward teenager, I feel your pain.  I never made friends easily.  The school systems I went through were pretty good about anti-bullying campaigns.  So it just did not occur too often.  The only time I have ever been really bullied was when I was in around 5-6th grade.  Kids would tease me about my hair.  My hair was so curly and not as long so it had this effect of drying into an afro.  Kind of weird for a white girl in a mostly white school.  It bothered me of course, but it never really hurt me too much.  I still had friends so I guess it just did not matter to me what the assholes said.  Though I will admit it has made me self-conscious about my hair and I continue to have that feeling.

I also suppose If you count YouTube as a place where one can be bullied, I have experienced some less than nice attacks via the social media website.  I’ve had people call me all sorts of names there.  The largest attack has been on my weight.  In fact, I’ve probably blocked about 1,000 people from making “You are fat and ugly now” comments.  At first it really got to me because in my own head I was struggling with my weight gain.  I was not used to it.  The attacks seemed more personal because it was in my own head.  Normally people who do not actually know you as a person cannot really insult you.  It just isn’t personal enough.  These comments felt personal to me for so long until I was able to really take time to see myself as the same person, regardless of weight.  Now when I see the fat comments I just shrug it off.  It gets annoying from time to time to only see weight-related comments on videos but it is not something which makes me feel anger or hurt.

Another good story I can tell you is second-hand and not my story.  I think I have heard it enough to get it right though.  My mom told me about how she went to small Catholic schools her whole life.  That kids would bully and pick on her.  She explained that one day she was in a bathroom when a girl who had constantly teased and taunted her started up with her normal bullying routine.  Now, I’m not sure if the girl had put a hand on my mother (this is where the story gets a little fuzzy for me, maybe I’ll ask my mom to do a dual commentary about bullying in the future) but my mother was through with this crap.  So she hit the girl.  Now I do not normally condone violence, but if someone hits you or physically tries to bully you… HIT THEM.  Do not let yourself become a victim.  My mother hit her and you know what happened?  The girl realized that my mother was not this weak person she could pick on anymore.  In fact, they became friends after that.  Weird, right?  Bullies pick those they feel are weak to pick on.  If you do not wish to be bullied you MUST show you are not weak.  It is harder said than done but it is necessary.  It does not have to be physical violence either.  It can be simply telling your bully to “F-Off.”

I have a story where I told someone to F-off.  Actually, scratch that.  I have quite a few stories where I told someone to f-off (trying to keep swearing to a minimum, I don’t normally swear when I write).  The first time I really lost it on someone was when they were bullying my gay friend in 8th grade.  Another kid came up to us at lunch and simply started the whole “You are a fag, no one likes you, you are so gay, blah blah blah..”   Now I do not take kindly to bullying or people dissing my friends.  So I lost it.  My subscribers have never seen me angry.  Let me tell you what I become- Satan incarnate.  I yell in a voice that sounds so possessed and scary.  So I just told this kid to fuck off in the most evilest loudest way.  He got mad but embarrassed and buzzed off.  I do not remember the ‘conversation’ too much but it was just simple yelling and swearing.
Cut to High School and I am in a cooking class.  This ‘shit-starter’ Nikki comes up to me asking me in a much less nice way “Why did you hang out with Mike after he broke up with Lauren?  And why would he break up with her.”  So I simply said “Look, he did not like her and it was not working.  They only dated for a week and he was not interested.  I’m sorry your friend feels hurt, but why would she want to date a guy who does not like her?  Also, he is my friend and I’ll hang out with whoever I want to.”  This for some reason really irritated this girl.  She just went off about how I am a bitch and how Mike was an asshole for breaking up with her friend.  So I lost it, I just started screaming about how he can do whatever he wants and that she does not own him or I, etc.  I got up in her face too.  This was a girl known for starting fights and often physical ones.  She didn’t put a hand on me.  I’m what one may call a “boss lady” or “Bad-Ass MotherF*cker.”  I’m STRONG and I hit well.  I do not look like a person you would ever consider getting in a fight with.  So this girl who often starts fights did not lay a hand on me because I stuck up for myself and I have always appeared confident and strong.  Confidence can sometimes make a big difference on how far people are willing to go in terms of treating you badly.  If I had been a weak “barbie-doll” type, Nikki would have beat the shit out of me or at least attempted.

I have never gotten over the social awkward thing though.  I was always the last person to find a partner in most of my classes.  Not because I was weird or hard to get along with.  I was generally nice.  I was just way too shy to make friends.  I was also like this in college and still am sometimes.  Now if I have a few drinks in me at a bar or club (wherever I am) I can more properly socialize.  Though, I do not condone drinking just so you feel more comfortable.  You really just have to try your best to get out of your shell and start talking to people.  YouTube has helped me a lot with that.  I doubt most people who listen to my videos would consider me someone who must be shy.  Now I have a slightly easier time communicated with people.

I am still absolutely terrified of making phone calls though.  Do not ask me why.  I cannot do it.  It scares me to death and I dread it.  Weird fear, right?  I get such anxiety when I have phone calls that I CANNOT skip making.

Now let me go through a few more things that have to do with bullying.  With the recent Amanda Todd suicide, bullying is a huge topic.  It always becomes a huge topic when teenagers commit suicide thinking they have no way out.  I guess I would normally say “get help!” but what is interesting about the Amanda Todd case was that she did have help.  Lots of help from adults.  So I guess that is not always the answer.  However, I would still say seeking adult help is a good idea if bullying or tormenting does not end.  Yet I also think sticking up for yourself against your tormentors is extremely important.  People pick on the weak because it is easy.  Do not be an easy target. I cannot emphasize that point enough.  Look for ways to empower yourself as a person.  An example might be to do something like take Martial Arts lessons or learning about the power of meditation.  Those are just two examples right off the top of my head, there are so many more things you can do that will make you feel empowered as a person.  Things that will no longer make you feel weak or timid.

I hope you guys enjoyed the post!  If you feel this may help any others who are dealing with bullies, please feel free to share it!

Have a wonderful day!

Kelly

10 comments:

  1. Last week a man named Manuel Scott came to my school. He was able to make us aware of the struggles some people are going through that we might not have known before.He is a really comforting man. If anybody sees this comment and has personal problems, look for his facebook page and ask for help.

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  2. I get bullied frequently because I'm underweight, people find that hard to believe. I'm seventeen, around 5' 6", and weigh 110 pounds. People always call me anorexic or bulimic. I don't have an eating disorder, I just have a fast metabolism. The rude comments started bothering me psychologically. When I looked in the mirror I thought I looked emaciated. My friends told me I wasn't THAT thin, but I kept letting the bullies' words get to me. One day my mom dropped a small comment about my weight, it was my undoing. I started eating tons of fatty foods and drank weight gain shakes hoping to put on some pounds, but it never happened. I just got really sick. I finally realized that I shouldn't let the haters bother me, they were just weak people trying to feel good about themselves by putting others down. Now when I get the anorexic comments I just roll my eyes and keep doing what I'm doing. Getting no response from me really bothers them.

    And I think you should talk about the upcoming presidential election, I'd really enjoy hearing your opinion. (:

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  3. Wonderful blog again! I volunteer for Cybermentors who work with BeatBullying and hear stories everyday regarding children who are severely depressed due to what other children/teens think of as "a bit of a laugh". It baffles me how people can justify the torment they put others through as joking around, especially when it lasts for months on end.

    Trish I'm sorry to hear you have been the victim of bullying in the past but I am so happy for you that you are in a positive psychological place now :D


    I agree with Trish, I'd like to hear you talk about the election. Being from the UK we only get soundbites that the media want us to hear so I would find that interesting :)

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  4. Oh god I hated getting bullied. I would be called fat even by kids who where fatter that me :/.I would be called retarted even thouhg I was smart and metaly capablle to handle my self and not retarted :(. I was even called gay even thouhg I wasnt.I was even called goth or emo because of the music I listend to.It had gotten so badto switch to an only school because it got so bad. I would always go to my counsiouler because I felt safe doing so to report someone. And I was always told to go to someone. But ofcoures that didnt work and then everybody called me a snitch.I did at least have friends and a few of them not all but a few of them did get bullied also.So I wasnt alone. I hated it I had dipression but of coures I put on that "Oh I happy" face on. And I think thats where my anger issues started because I was always pissed off at the people. I still get into my major deprresion modes when I get mad enough. I am still in online school and it does help. I also try and draw or write if I get picked on. Even youtube helps me out because I love makeing videos. I am just not likeing how people act. Its hard but idk it will take a lot to end it. But I think we can do it. I do think it needs to stop. Anyways great blog kelly loved the topic gave me a chance to talk about this :)

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  6. Thank you Kelly for changing my life by being such an inspiring person. I was also very shy in school and did not make friends the easiest. The other kids actually didn't like me though. I would never talk and I would be picked last for everything. After the difficult years of tween girls' petty comments and attitudes, I became very self-conscious about everything. Thanks for making me laugh and for giving me a positive outlook on life that I might not have had if not for your youtube channel. Thank you so much and stay the way you are! <3

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  7. well you say that you just shrug it off, but ever since you got arrested and had your weight published to the world, you've disabled comments on all your video's. Is that really just shrugging it off?

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  8. Thanks for helping me kelly. You are my inspiration and everything I aspire to be. Thank you for everything!

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