Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Subscriber Topic- BULLYING

Hello Ladies and Gentlemen,

I am on a flight at 37,000 feet right now above the Sierra-Nevada desert.  It is a mix of canyons and smoke holes.  I wonder what the smoke is, seems like it is in a forest.  Not much vegetation down there but where there is seems to be a lot of random fires.  Scary.  Mostly everyone is sleeping on the flight and there are no babies.  Babies are alright, do not get me wrong.  Put them on an airplane though and say goodbye to falling asleep if your mp3 player or iPod is dead.

Also, quick little story… At LAX airport I went to the restroom before my flight.  It was a normal routine until I got to the sinks.  There I proceeded to wash my hands for a little over a minute.  Not because I am a germ-freak or because I accidentally shit in my fingernails (ew, sorry for that image), but because the woman next to me was a small old Asian lady drinking water out of the airport restroom sink.  At first I thought she was washing her face.  Okay, I get that.  It was pretty hot in the security line and in the airport in general.  As she kept putting her face down and cupping her hands I took a closer look.  This woman was grabbing water and sipping it out of her hands!  So question, cultural thing or just strange?  Maybe next time I should direct her to the water fountains which have much more colder and appealing water.  The restroom sinks were automatic and rather warm water came out.  Could not have been enjoyable to drink.

Alright!  Now on to our subscriber topic of the day… Luz explained "hey im a girl im pretty chubby and self concious i have 3 true friends im awkward and stuff so talk about buliying as a topic."

As a once socially awkward teenager, I feel your pain.  I never made friends easily.  The school systems I went through were pretty good about anti-bullying campaigns.  So it just did not occur too often.  The only time I have ever been really bullied was when I was in around 5-6th grade.  Kids would tease me about my hair.  My hair was so curly and not as long so it had this effect of drying into an afro.  Kind of weird for a white girl in a mostly white school.  It bothered me of course, but it never really hurt me too much.  I still had friends so I guess it just did not matter to me what the assholes said.  Though I will admit it has made me self-conscious about my hair and I continue to have that feeling.

I also suppose If you count YouTube as a place where one can be bullied, I have experienced some less than nice attacks via the social media website.  I’ve had people call me all sorts of names there.  The largest attack has been on my weight.  In fact, I’ve probably blocked about 1,000 people from making “You are fat and ugly now” comments.  At first it really got to me because in my own head I was struggling with my weight gain.  I was not used to it.  The attacks seemed more personal because it was in my own head.  Normally people who do not actually know you as a person cannot really insult you.  It just isn’t personal enough.  These comments felt personal to me for so long until I was able to really take time to see myself as the same person, regardless of weight.  Now when I see the fat comments I just shrug it off.  It gets annoying from time to time to only see weight-related comments on videos but it is not something which makes me feel anger or hurt.

Another good story I can tell you is second-hand and not my story.  I think I have heard it enough to get it right though.  My mom told me about how she went to small Catholic schools her whole life.  That kids would bully and pick on her.  She explained that one day she was in a bathroom when a girl who had constantly teased and taunted her started up with her normal bullying routine.  Now, I’m not sure if the girl had put a hand on my mother (this is where the story gets a little fuzzy for me, maybe I’ll ask my mom to do a dual commentary about bullying in the future) but my mother was through with this crap.  So she hit the girl.  Now I do not normally condone violence, but if someone hits you or physically tries to bully you… HIT THEM.  Do not let yourself become a victim.  My mother hit her and you know what happened?  The girl realized that my mother was not this weak person she could pick on anymore.  In fact, they became friends after that.  Weird, right?  Bullies pick those they feel are weak to pick on.  If you do not wish to be bullied you MUST show you are not weak.  It is harder said than done but it is necessary.  It does not have to be physical violence either.  It can be simply telling your bully to “F-Off.”

I have a story where I told someone to F-off.  Actually, scratch that.  I have quite a few stories where I told someone to f-off (trying to keep swearing to a minimum, I don’t normally swear when I write).  The first time I really lost it on someone was when they were bullying my gay friend in 8th grade.  Another kid came up to us at lunch and simply started the whole “You are a fag, no one likes you, you are so gay, blah blah blah..”   Now I do not take kindly to bullying or people dissing my friends.  So I lost it.  My subscribers have never seen me angry.  Let me tell you what I become- Satan incarnate.  I yell in a voice that sounds so possessed and scary.  So I just told this kid to fuck off in the most evilest loudest way.  He got mad but embarrassed and buzzed off.  I do not remember the ‘conversation’ too much but it was just simple yelling and swearing.
Cut to High School and I am in a cooking class.  This ‘shit-starter’ Nikki comes up to me asking me in a much less nice way “Why did you hang out with Mike after he broke up with Lauren?  And why would he break up with her.”  So I simply said “Look, he did not like her and it was not working.  They only dated for a week and he was not interested.  I’m sorry your friend feels hurt, but why would she want to date a guy who does not like her?  Also, he is my friend and I’ll hang out with whoever I want to.”  This for some reason really irritated this girl.  She just went off about how I am a bitch and how Mike was an asshole for breaking up with her friend.  So I lost it, I just started screaming about how he can do whatever he wants and that she does not own him or I, etc.  I got up in her face too.  This was a girl known for starting fights and often physical ones.  She didn’t put a hand on me.  I’m what one may call a “boss lady” or “Bad-Ass MotherF*cker.”  I’m STRONG and I hit well.  I do not look like a person you would ever consider getting in a fight with.  So this girl who often starts fights did not lay a hand on me because I stuck up for myself and I have always appeared confident and strong.  Confidence can sometimes make a big difference on how far people are willing to go in terms of treating you badly.  If I had been a weak “barbie-doll” type, Nikki would have beat the shit out of me or at least attempted.

I have never gotten over the social awkward thing though.  I was always the last person to find a partner in most of my classes.  Not because I was weird or hard to get along with.  I was generally nice.  I was just way too shy to make friends.  I was also like this in college and still am sometimes.  Now if I have a few drinks in me at a bar or club (wherever I am) I can more properly socialize.  Though, I do not condone drinking just so you feel more comfortable.  You really just have to try your best to get out of your shell and start talking to people.  YouTube has helped me a lot with that.  I doubt most people who listen to my videos would consider me someone who must be shy.  Now I have a slightly easier time communicated with people.

I am still absolutely terrified of making phone calls though.  Do not ask me why.  I cannot do it.  It scares me to death and I dread it.  Weird fear, right?  I get such anxiety when I have phone calls that I CANNOT skip making.

Now let me go through a few more things that have to do with bullying.  With the recent Amanda Todd suicide, bullying is a huge topic.  It always becomes a huge topic when teenagers commit suicide thinking they have no way out.  I guess I would normally say “get help!” but what is interesting about the Amanda Todd case was that she did have help.  Lots of help from adults.  So I guess that is not always the answer.  However, I would still say seeking adult help is a good idea if bullying or tormenting does not end.  Yet I also think sticking up for yourself against your tormentors is extremely important.  People pick on the weak because it is easy.  Do not be an easy target. I cannot emphasize that point enough.  Look for ways to empower yourself as a person.  An example might be to do something like take Martial Arts lessons or learning about the power of meditation.  Those are just two examples right off the top of my head, there are so many more things you can do that will make you feel empowered as a person.  Things that will no longer make you feel weak or timid.

I hope you guys enjoyed the post!  If you feel this may help any others who are dealing with bullies, please feel free to share it!

Have a wonderful day!


Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Travel Stories and Wants

Hello Sexy Mamas and Papas,

So I last asked you guys for any topics you would like me to consider.

Our first topic is from Karen M. who stated "I'd like to see you write about places you would like to travel to and what you'd like to do there. Have an awesome time in L.A and rock that Livestream!"

Quick funny story about Travel- I love travel!  So much that when I started having a little more room to spend money I decided to subscribe to a bunch of Travel magazines.  One I ordered showed a man on a gondola ride with a sexy man as the gondola "driver" (What is someone who steers, rows, drives a gondola?).  It seemed like a cool magazine!  Hot guys and Italy?  Cool!  I'll take it!   I remember getting the magazine which had been sent in an incognito package.  It was so strange to me!  Why would a travel magazine be so secretive?  I understand when people by things like sex toys, they may not want the whole world to know.  But surely, travel is not something we care about people knowing we enjoy?  In fact, I would argue we WANT people to know we enjoy travel as it seems to promote that "worldly knowledge."

Anyways, I opened up the package and saw the cover of the magazine.  Two men a little close together and very happy.  I thought, Wow, these guys look like gay lovers!  But thought nothing more of it.  I opened up the magazine.  The advertisements seemed a little different than normal.  Two men in speedos lounging by the pool giggling to each other with washboard abs and perfect bodies?  Well, okay... Where are the girls with revealing bikini tops that I normally would see here?  The advertisements continued and seemed to show the most beautiful of men who seemed more into each other than the actual travel destination they were promoting.  I finally got to the Editor's Note.  BOOM.  He was talking about being a gay male and how much the magazine has meant to him.  Face-Palm moment.  There had been so many signs that this was a magazine devoted to gay men.  I laughed it off and then read the magazine and continue to read it.  The travel information is great and interesting.  I just do not know if I have much need for all the information about gay night-clubs and hotel packages.  Perhaps in another life should I ever become a gay male.

Anyways, traveling is something I love to do!  I have mainly only stayed to the 'mainland' (Canada and USA) and only ventured to Hawaii once.  I've never really had the money to go farther.  Growing up my family went on a considerable amount of vacations around the country and this is where my love really started.  I loved the feeling of a new place!  It seemed like people could be so different other places yet ultimately the same.  Not to mention scenery in new places.  You become so used to seeing where you live that everything becomes so refreshing. 
I remember going in the ocean for the first time.  I was 16 and hung-over in a wet-suit gripping a longboard.  I had gone to Northern California with my best friend to stay with her older sister for a while.  I can still feel how excited I was.  Despite the freezing water, the horrible feel of hard nipples rubbing against my wetsuit and the surfboard, everything seemed so beautiful and perfect!  The word that comes to mind whenever I am at the ocean would be ALIVE.  Alive is something we all are yet sometimes do not always truly feel.  Also, a sea lion stalked me the whole time I was there.  He popped his head of the water to watch me continue to fail surfing.  The waves were too choppy to even fall too badly so surfing was very much out of the question.  He must have been my first troll.  I can almost hear him laughing.  Man, what a dick.

My next experience was when I was 18 and in San Diego visiting a good friend who was moving there.  This time I walked to the beach almost every day for 2 weeks.  My friend Sara and I went body boarding as much as we could.  I was much better at this than surfing.  It gave me the feeling of being Superman on the water.  The feeling of flying without actually spreading my wings.  This is where I learned how to "eat it."  When you fall in a decent size wave, you no longer know where or what you are doing.  You feel like a propeller on a plane must feel.  Just spinning and spinning and sometimes you hit the bottom of the ocean.  Having your ass drag along the ocean bottom is a feeling so awkward.  It is not painful because of how much your adrenaline is pumping.  Learning to eat it came in handy once I went to Hawaii and experienced the waves on the North Shore.  As a 22 year old you would have thought I would have more common sense than to attempt as a novice to body board on a 10 foot shore break wave.  I didn't.  I got eaten (is that a word?  Sometimes I feel the internet has made me make up words) alive by that wave and since it was shore break.  My body rubbed all over the sand.  When I finally thought I had escaped that wave, I got engulfed by another one.  Rinse and Repeat 4 times.  That was quite a beating!

Water is and will continue to be my favorite part of traveling.  River, Lakes, and Oceans are something that makes me feel so good.  In literature, bodies of water always represent the "rebirth" or the cleansing of the soul.  Maybe this is why bodies of water have made me feel so good whenever I am near them.  They cleanse me and make me feel alive again.  There is almost so much repetitive motions of life before it drains on you.   School, work, repeat.  Every day.  It gets pretty old after a while and always makes me feel trapped.  When I travel I break free from it.  Lately, I feel pretty lucky.  This YouTube gig has caused me to travel a lot more and to have the freedom of travel without worrying about work.  I can take it with me.  Though my views tend to suffer on the road, the experiences are well worth making less money for the month.  As I write this I am in a hotel room in West Hollywood.  This trip was actually mainly for work and not much "travel activities" were had.  Yet, you would be surprised at how much fun it can be to talk Youtube or life with other people you so rarely see over beers and even the waitress spilling a drink all over me could not have dampened my day!  I always look forward to seeing my fellow YouTubers.  We just like to nerd out together.  It is pretty cute, really.

You know the worst part about this long blog entry?  I still haven't answered the actual question.  So where would I like to travel and what would I like to do there?  What I REALLY REALLY WANT VERY BADLY is to travel to Europe.  I have yet to be there.  I want to experience the various European cultures.  One of my favorite parts about French class was learning about the culture.  I'd like to experience what people are like in the different cultures, how they act during everyday life, what they eat, etc.  I just want to get in the life of a regular and really experience the place.

Alright, it is 3:19 AM which means it is 5:19 in Chicago.  I have to wake up in a few hours to catch a plane back home.  Then when I get home, I have to wake up early to get to a closing for a house.  Then days and days of furniture shopping and moving.  Not to mention dealing with the landlord of the current place.  Here comes my headache!  I better stop thinking about all the stuff I have to do or I might go insane inside my own head and not fall asleep at all tonight.  Gross.

If you made it this far, like and favorite.  Just kidding.  I do not think that is even possible here.



Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Starting a Blog!

Starting a Blog!

I've Always Written...

For as long as I can remember I have been writing things down either in a personal journal or in an online diary.  I would tell stories, rant, celebrate, cry, and discuss.  It was somehow a soothing way to relax at the end of the day.  It has been a while since I've written regularly.  I can already feel how not writing has affected me.  I get stressed more easy and I have trouble explaining myself.   Writing is a way for me to express myself slower than I would in any verbal way.  Writing is a way for me to vent when I need to let out my frustrations.  Writing is a way for me to also connect with others.  

Let's Talk!

I've started this blog as a way to connect with my viewers on YouTube and anyone else who may stumble across this.  As human-beings we are all social animals.  The internet has made socializing to more people a possibility.  Through social media we are able to connect to a much more diverse crowd of people.  I bring a diverse audience ready to talk about life, gaming, and more!  So what would you like to talk about?  Leave topics in the comment section and I will be happy to write a post about them!